"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they
have sex in the dark.  Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions,
during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp--only to discover a
cucumber in his hand.

Is THIS what you've been using on me for the past 10 years!?!"
"Honey! Let me explain!"

"Why you sneaky bastard!" she screamed.
"You impotent SOB!!"

"Speaking of sneaky!" he interrupted,
"Maybe you'd care to explain our 2 kids!!!"